The mentor kit

What a mentor is, and is not

A mentor is a companion for the first months: someone to ask the “silly” questions, to sit with at the masjid, and to point the way to the right people.

A mentor is not a mufti, so rulings go to the imam. A mentor is not a therapist, so crises go to professionals. A mentor is not a matchmaker, a landlord, a lender or a boss. And a mentor is never the only door to Islam: your job is to widen their circle, not to become it.

The first meeting

Meet at the masjid or another public place, at a time that suits them, for about 30 to 45 minutes. Keep it relaxed; a cup of tea is better than a lesson.

You might open like this: “I’m really glad to meet you. I’m not here to test you or teach you everything. I’m here so you have someone to ask, and someone who will check in. What would be most useful to you right now?”

Tell them, early and plainly, what you will keep private: “I’ll keep what you share private, except where someone may be at risk of serious harm, or where the law requires me to report. If that happens, I will tell you first where I safely can.”

Before you start, learn your masjid’s safeguarding policy and your state’s mandatory-reporting rules, so you know what you would have to pass on and to whom.

1. Ask what they want help with

   “What would make the next few weeks easier?” Let them choose. Note one or two things, not ten.

2. Ask how and when to contact them

   “What’s the best way to reach you, and are there times or ways it isn’t safe or comfortable to contact you?” Some people cannot receive messages at home yet.

3. Ask who else is around them

   “Who else do you have to talk to: family, friends, anyone at the masjid?” This helps you see whether they are isolated.

4. Ask about practical needs

   “Is there anything practical getting in the way, like transport, food, work hours or childcare?” Then point them to the people who can help.

5. Ask what they don’t want

   “Is there anything you’d rather not talk about, or anything people have done that you didn’t like?” Then respect it.

6. Agree the next step

   One small thing, chosen by them, and when you will next check in.

What to listen for

Listen more than you talk. Underneath the questions, notice:

Overwhelm: “everyone is telling me different things”, “I can’t keep up”. Answer by slowing down and choosing one thing.

Family strain: tension at home, fear of telling someone, a relationship under pressure. Encourage kindness and patience, never a break with family, and never promise it will all work out.

Loneliness: no one to sit with, no one to eat with. Help them find a class, a circle or a second friendly face.

Pressure from others: someone rushing them to marry, to move, to give money, or to keep secrets. Take this seriously; see “When to refer” below.

Safety: fear at home, threats, or talk of not wanting to live. Do not try to handle this alone.

And do not ask about their past, their old relationships or why they converted. If they choose to tell you, listen and keep it to yourself.

The first month: a light rhythm

Steady and small is better than intense and short. The Prophet ﷺ said that “the most beloved deeds to Allah are those done regularly, even if they are few” (Bukhārī 6464)¹. That is a good shape for mentoring too.

1. In the first week

   A short message or call: “How are you doing? Anything you’d like to ask?” Use only the contact method and times they agreed to.

2. Then every week or two

   Meet or call briefly. Each time: how are they, one practical thing (finding the class, the washing area, a question for the imam), and one step they choose.

3. Go to the class with them, once

   Offer to meet them at the door of the class you invited them to, and introduce them to the teacher.

4. If they miss a meeting

   Send one gentle message: “No problem at all. Shall we try another time?” No guilt, no chasing. If two or three messages go unanswered, send “I’m here whenever you’re ready” and let your coordinator know.

5. At the end of the first month

   Ask how it is going, and whether they would like to continue, change the rhythm, change mentor, or stop. Any answer is fine.

Boundaries

Reviewed by Hamza Abdul-Tawwaab (Imam). A specialist safeguarding review is in progress; follow your masjid’s own safeguarding policy and local law.

Boundaries protect the new Muslim, protect you, and protect your masjid. Same gender is a good practice, not a safety guarantee; these rules apply to everyone.

1. Same gender, open places

   Mentor someone of your own gender. Meet at the masjid or another public place, not at your home or theirs, not in a car, and not late at night.

2. No romance, no matchmaking

   Never pursue a romantic relationship with the person you mentor, and never suggest or arrange a marriage for them. If they ask about marriage, refer them to the imam.

3. No money

   Do not lend, borrow, or ask for money, documents or favours. If they need practical help, connect them to the masjid’s help or a local service.

4. Keep their story private

   Do not share what they tell you, post about them, or tell their conversion story, even with good intentions. The only exception is a safety concern, raised with the safeguarding lead.

5. Under 18: never alone

   If the person is under 18, never meet or message one to one. Two vetted adults, in view of others, following your masjid’s child safeguarding policy.

6. Don’t take over

   Their life is theirs. Offer, don’t direct. Their family, job, clothes and pace are theirs to decide, with their own teachers.

7. They can change mentor

   Tell them at the start that they can ask for a different mentor at any time without giving a reason, and that it will not be held against them. You can step back too; tell your coordinator.

When to refer, and to whom

Knowing when to hand over is one of the most important things a mentor does. “I don’t know, but I know who to ask” is a good answer.

1. Religious rulings

   Questions about what is required, allowed or not allowed go to the imam or a qualified teacher. Do not give your own ruling, even if you are fairly sure.

2. A concern about their safety or treatment

   Tell your masjid’s safeguarding lead the same day. If the concern is about the safeguarding lead, use the backup contact.

3. Danger now

   Call 911 (in the US and Canada; 999 in the UK; 000 in Australia).

4. Thoughts of suicide or emotional crisis

   In the US: call or text 988, 24/7. You can call for advice about someone else too.²

5. Abuse in a relationship

   In the US: the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788, 24/7.³

6. A child at risk

   Your state’s child abuse reporting line, or 911 if the child is in danger. Childhelp (1-800-422-4453) is for talking to a counsellor; it is not a reporting line.⁴

7. Health, legal, immigration or money

   A doctor, a lawyer or a qualified local service. Do not advise beyond what you know.

Support for you

You should not mentor alone. Your masjid should name a coordinator you can check in with, and a safeguarding lead for concerns. Tell your coordinator how things are going in general terms, without sharing private details.

First Sajdah does not receive case notes, names or reports about anyone you mentor. This kit is for your masjid to use; we never connect mentors with new Muslims.

Mentor promises (one page to print)

Print this page, sign it with your coordinator, and give a copy to the person you mentor, so they know what to expect and what is not acceptable.

1. I will listen first

   and help with what you ask for, at your pace.

2. I will meet you in open places

   at the masjid or another public place.

3. I will keep what you share private

   except where someone may be at risk of serious harm, or where the law requires me to report. If that happens, I will tell you first where I safely can.

4. I will never ask you for money

   documents or favours, and I will not lend or borrow.

5. I will never pursue you romantically

   or try to arrange a marriage for you.

6. I will not post about you

   or share your story, photos or details without your clear permission.

7. I will respect your family

   and never ask you to cut ties with them.

8. I will not give religious rulings

   I will help you ask the imam or a qualified teacher.

9. I will point you to professionals

   when something is bigger than me.

10. You can change mentor at any time

    without giving a reason. To do that, or to raise a concern about me, contact the masjid’s coordinator or safeguarding lead (names and contacts below).

Sources

1. Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6464 (Kitāb al-Riqāq) ʿĀʾishah: the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Aim for what is right and keep close to it, and know that no one’s deeds will admit him to Paradise, and that the most beloved deeds to Allah are those done regularly, even if they are few.”
2. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. 24/7. Also for people worried about someone else (988lifeline.org/help-someone-else/).
3. National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 1-800-799-7233 (800-799-SAFE), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. 24/7. Its safety note says browsing history cannot be completely erased.
4. Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline Call or text 1-800-422-4453 (tel: and sms: links on the hotline page). 24/7. Talk to a counsellor; not a reporting line; the site lists each state’s CPS reporting number.

Read next

• Welcoming a new Muslim: a pack for masajidHow a masjid can welcome someone on the day they take their shahādah and in the weeks after: a checklist for the imam and volunteers, what to put in the printed pack, and the safeguarding basics.
• Helping someone who has just become MuslimHow to stand beside a new Muslim without pressure: listen first, go one thing at a time, protect their family ties, connect them to a masjid and a mentor, look after yourself, and know when to worry.